I can do hard things 

One of my least of all worst things to have to do is anything that has to do with bills or researching bills or anything really that has to do with remembering my username and password to a site that I do not normally frequent. 

Today I faced my habitual problem head on, I would be lying to say that a few moans and groans didn’t accompany me along the way. In short, this whole process actually took me maybe twenty minutes but I did it and I felt like I ran a marathon.   

About a month ago I received a letter stating that I had a medical bill that was pass due. The bill indicated that if not paid within 2 weeks, I would be sent to collections. Fear shot through my body immediately much like it does when I see a cop hiding out on the side of the road as I speed past him going 47 in a 45. Needless to say, it doesn’t take much to get my heart rate up. 

So, I did what every 30-something year old would do and just let it sit on the counter for about a month. Don’t worry it was out in the open so I would forget to come back to it. Today is the day that I came back to it, and this is how it went down.  

Budget meeting was initiated by Husband, and by meeting, I mean: Husband sits across from me and does computer stuff while I am on my computer messaging my friends and contributing to my writing communities. Clearly, according to Dave Ramsey, husband is the “nerd” and I am the “free spirit”. Anyway, Husband gets my instant attention when he asks, “Did you ever get that medical bill thing figured out?” 

BOOM heart rate goes from 50-80 and my head starts to get fuzzy with the breach of an anxiety attack. I start searching for excuses, “it’s all on my other phone that we shut off.” Or “I have no idea, I thought I took care of this already back in February!” “why me!!!” “I have no idea what my username or password was for that one site, AND I have no idea what that site was!!!” (insert sad face emoji with the eye brows turned up and the water pouring out like two open faucets).Then, Husband gets all gruff and buff and said, “Stop whining and complaining, don’t try to blame everything on something else, just do it!” (man, is he sexy when he really puts his foot down!) First of course I am mad at him for “yelling” at me and so I go and do the things. 

Boop, bop, beep, boop go the keys on my apple pro. And twenty minutes later the website is found, my computer already had my username and password saved, the information pops up, the proof is there. Our insurance did in fact pay this bill and I owe this billing company nothing. Done. 

Now here I am on cloud nine, because I did it I figured out all the “hard-stuff” on my own.  My Husband is smiling ear to ear now because I cannot stop talking and boasting about how he didn’t even have to lift a finger, I gained a new self-worth and confidence because I just did it and didn’t let my ego get in the way into talking myself into thinking I was not smart enough for such a task. 

Stepping up and doing hard things is part of maturing as a human… but surrendering to your crippling fear of not being good enough for a particular task is a life-long process. Right now, I am trying to trust this process and by doing so I am finding my growth within. 

Last note, turns out none of the information I needed was on my old phone, all the information was in my own brain, go figure.